CHANGE OF HEART

TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

So I've been struggling along for - literally - months, consumed by the reality that I can't actually blog for shit. Topics never just come to me, and bitching about the world isn't really my thing in retrospect - the idea of blogging regular ranting diatribes holds zero appeal these days. However, I hated the idea of stopping writing completely. Whilst meditating on all of this, I hit a brick wall as to what I could write about, and in the resulting procrastination acompanied with zero revision willpower, I massively reverted back to my first and only love: the written word.

I had eased up on inhaling books at the rate I used to before I had any mates purely to make time for going out and whatever, but during exam leave and half term - so, from about two months ago - I completely rediscovered the life of a book-worm recluse. The clichéd 'meeting up with old friends' was quite an emotional experience - catching up with Harry, Ponyboy, Mercutio, Lizzie, Achilleus, Ebenezer, Cathy and Cathy, Jane and James Henry Trotter, all recieving me with love and open arms as if I hadn't ignored them for years, watching them gather dust on my shelves.

So, I think I may have found my calling in the blogsphere. It's cringey, it's nerdy and it's pretty creepy, but I owe it to my friends to talk about them and to love them back. That's why, as of now, I am 100% utterly and completely blog-focused on discussing my favourite books and reviewing new ones - and I have to say, I'm far too excited about this to count myself as cool.

So, the first instalment will be one of my all time favourite books, arriving in a few short days. See you then!

School blues

And so it arrives, the final day of the freedom that was February half term. All my work has been done, my room is tidy, my school bag is packed; all I need to do now is laze around in bed watching Big Bang Theory re-runs until I fall asleep some time before 8 o'clock.

... Which is what I would be saying, if I indeed was one of those people who gets their work done at a sensible pace and doesn't leave everything until the final Sunday before returning to school.
As it stands, I have one analytical English essay to start and complete, a French essay, half a novel to finish, a debate to learn (see previous) and a play to edit. Oh, first-world teenage problems, how you make me weep.

I think it's a pretty universal fact that across the country, that at this moment there are of thousands of teenage rebels cramming in a weeks worth of coursework today. Fellow slackers, I salute you. Good luck.

So that's what is pissing me off today - schoolwork. And the cesspit of unfinished essays into which I have sunk, drowning in all the stinking French irregular verbs and rotting Victorian stereotypes that were imposed upon women. I would rather shoot myself at point-blank range with a paintball gun filled with pooballs than drag myself from my laptop to do work. But we move on.

Pooballs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GGLvbUVfL8 I WILL BE CHEERY.

I may survive to blog another day. Then again, perhaps not.

Let's get serious, bro

I am proud to be the nerdiest bro on the block and come out and say that I'm a member of my school's Debating club. I like debating; it is fun and I have a lot of opinions. Plus the teacher that runs it is an utter Dilf with whom I am in love.
But anyway, as our Debaters are just the funkiest in all the land, we've gotten through to the second round of this competition we're involved in. It's nation-wide mass-debation.
And this time, I'm part of the two woman team representing our lovely school. And the motion is this -

This House believes that the torture of suspected terrorists can be justified.

Proposing.

Shit.

Seriously, how am I supposed to convince a room full of people that torturing people is a good thing?  Can torture of suspected terrorists ever be justified?

Most of us - myself included - are immediately inclined to say no. It's inhumane, cruel and barbaric. We've all seen the Abu Ghraib pictures. We all know about the Nazis tortuing Jewish innocents, the Kurdish massacres, the treatment of Irish Nationals by the British during the Troubles  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw7WJLZmVF4  amazing film mwa xo).

We know that terrorism is internationally banned and is just plain wrong in any circumstance - Geneva Conventions, Universal Declaration of Human Rights, United Nations decrees - wrong, wrong, wrong.

But let's take a step out of our comfort zone of idealism and look at this in a different way.

Your home is threatened by a severe risk of a terrorist attack. There's a guy who - based on a stack of evidence and shady past behaviour - potentially has vital information that would save the lives of your family and neighbours. Without this information, everything precious to you will be destroyed, and this guy won't talk - You Can't Do Anything To Me, I Know My Rights type attitude. So then what do we do?

Article 5 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that No person shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

But look at Article 1 of the same Declaration - All human beings... are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood. Terrorists, in their attacks on innocent civilians, do not adhere to this.
 Article 3 -
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person. Surely this encompasses innocent victims more so than the perpetrators?
Article 29 - Everyone has duties to the community... rights and freedoms may in no case be excersised contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.

And then there's the theories and ethical issues behind it all - Utlitarianism, Just War, proportionality, Consequentialism...

So there it is. Can torture of suspected terrorists be justified?

If anyone has any fantastic ideas to argue yes, in certain cases, I will be forever grateful.



That was depressing.
Have some Fassdawg.

JB and saucy sauces

Something that has pecked head today: Justin Bieber H8RZ.

I like Justin Bieber.

I do. And what? I'm not a Belieber, I'm not a hysterical prepubescent scrote. But whenever I see his cute little Canadian face, I feel happy. Why?
a)  He's fucking gorgeous, let's be honest. If he was an everyday boy who lived in your local area you would be getting right on him. All the time. Everywhere.
b) His songs are fun, guys. They may not be lyrically the most innovative (Baby, baby, baby, oh/ Like baby, baby, baby, no/ Like baby, baby, baby, oh etc.) but they're catchy and fun and I like to sing them very loudly when I'm getting ready. He may not be Cat Stevens, but he's definitely a lot cheerier.
c) He's friends with Usher.
            ... Are you even in need of an explanation here?
d) His shiny white teeth can be used to guide ships home that have been lost in a fog.
e) He is a decent singer. Say what you want about this, but I'm guessing none of you h8rz can hold a tune like JB. Yezall just jealous, really, of his little butterfly voice.
And I could continue, but back to my main point. Justin Bieber H8rz pizz me off. You don't know the boy, so leave him alone. Of course he's going to be moody and shit sometimes. He's a teenager, and you're just a 40-year-old Youtube troll man with long greasy hair and no friends.
I'm not totally wild about him, in fairness; there are a lot of things I like more than JB, but he's harmless really, like a little cheeky chappy with a pretty smile and good hair. So please. Next time you're going to Justin Bieber-bash, think of his face. Especially the teeth.

But enough negative-vibing on the haters of the Biebz.

Something AMAZING has happened to me today.

 

Worcester. Sauce.

(I'll give you a moment for that to sink in)

Like seriously, I have only realised today how amazing Worcestershire sauce is. It accidentally was added to my breakfast sausage butty and BOOOOOM
TASTE   EXPLOSION
 At present I am munching on Worcestershire sauce on dry toast. And tonight, I'm going to make lasagne and sauce that fucker up. It's just the best condiment ever. It is life.
And I love how you actually say it like, Wusster. Like Glosster. Small pleasures.

Bieby has come a looooong way.

well.

So what's really pissed me off today is - obviously - Valentine's Day. Just the whole idea of the day is just too silly to even consider seriously. It's founded on the basis of two early Catholic priests who were martyred. This is not romantic in the slightest. I don't understand. But this is all I will say on the subject, as all the hipsters and fellow cynics have adopted hatred of Valentine's Day as a badge of honour and I will not be part of this.

BUT.

A lot of things have been really beautiful today.
a) I left my house. This was such a huge deal. It. Felt. Amazing.
b) My grand-dad gave me £20. Just literally out of nowhere. Also. Amazing. (Love you pops, you grumpy auld get)
c) I went the pictures with a - fucking wait for this - with a boy. A really lovely boy. A really lovely boy who makes me laugh, and is too much of a fanny to go and see a scary film. A lovely, lovely friend, to clarify.
d) My friend's mum got married today. Which is, you know. A little bit cute.

Fuck it, of course it's cute. It's fucking beautiful. It's amazing, and I hope they're just the happiest married couple ever ever ever.

e) Roses are red
    Violets are silly
    Grease up your flaps
    Here comes my willy

So single or married or in a relationship or polygamous or whatever you're in to-
Enjoy the poem, it's hilarious. Enjoy the 3p boxes of chocolate on sale tomorrow. Enjoy watching a shit film with Ben or Jerry, as you so choose.

 mwa

Impaired vision

Pros and Cons of poor eyesight.

Cons: I can never be a pilot (bastards.)
I get eeeevil optical migraines when I forget to wear my glasses for too long.
When I try and focus on things that are far away, I squint automatically which people - for some reason - consider very rude and in the past have pulled me up on it. Literally strangers in the street asking what my problem is. My problem is pair of eyeballs that are too long and corneas that are too curved, OK?
 The little strip of glasses-sweat when you've got foundation on and it rubs off onto the bridge of your glasses. Ew.

When 'nerd glasses' came in to fashion. Shit the bed, that was annoying -

Yes, my glasses are prescription. No, they are not the ones you get to watch 3D films in the cinema. No, I did not buy my glasses from Claires.

So when people ask me if they can borrow my glasses to wear to dress up as a 'nerd' for a party, my answer is obviously going to be No.  Thank you for calling me a nerd in my little geeky specs, and I do not appreciate people who wear fake glasses.

Just honestly, what even are you?

Pros: I look like Elvis fucking Costello.

 

Let's start off, shall we?

I wear glasses that make me look like the love-child of Buddy Holly and Elvis Costello. Luckily I love both men, so life is nice.
My favourite drink is cream soda with vanilla ice cream on top. Whiskey is nice too, but I prefer vanilla ice cream.
I love the words bungalow and plinth, and the names Jude and Beatrice. Sometimes I prefer books to people because books smell better. My favourite X-Man is Wolverine. My least favourite Harry Potter character is Harry Potter. I think living on a peninsula makes people small-minded and big-headed, which are two of my most detested traits.
I want to see how this pans out. Sometimes I have a lot of feelings and I feel like the internet is the only thing that understands me...

And I'm obviously joking, I'm not a complete twat. Have a crumpet.